I have a very light sleep, anything that happens around me while I'm sleeping wakes me up immediately, so the simple touch of his hand on my skin made me open my eyes. He knows it, he knows me well.

I know what he wants and I prepare myself, I feel his hand removing the sheet that covers my naked body, I look at him and see the lustful look he has shown me so many times. I know what awaits me and I know I won't like it, but I know it makes him happy and that makes me happy, knowing that I have a purpose, a reason to give meaning to life.

He starts touching my ass, he always starts there. He digs into my unprepared anus, of course he won't lubricate it until he reaches the third or fourth finger. He knows that this way the pain will be greater and I know he will enjoy it more. I let him. I turn my head and look at his cock, it's flaccid. I know I could grab it and give him a good blowjob, but it wouldn't excite him as much as what awaits me. He inserts a finger, knowing it won't cause me any pain as my anus is already quite dilated.

My cock begins to awaken. I have never understood my body, I know what awaits me and I know it will be tough, I know I will regret what I am thinking but right now I desire it, I desire to be hurt, I know that when the time comes I won't enjoy it, but that way I will make him happy even if it means I have to scream in pain. Yes, as I said I know I will regret it, I think I already regret it, but I desire it, I desire to make him happy and I know this is the only way. He continues with the second finger, it starts to bother but it doesn't hurt.

I remember a day when I didn't feel like it and I started complaining and screaming before it really hurt, he noticed right away. I haven't done it again, I couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment he had. I know I will scream in pain, that I will beg him to stop and I know he won't stop unless I say the safe word because I know he cares about me. I think about what I will suffer and my cock gets rock hard, I don't understand my body, I know what awaits me and my first reaction is to have a strong erection, as if my pleasure mattered in this context. I only exist to give him pleasure and he knows it, that's why he always goes further in each session.

He inserts the third finger, it starts to hurt, but it's bearable, I won't scream for this. He puts his other hand under my body and touches my cock, he already knows it's hard, he only does it to confirm it, he smiles and I respond by raising my ass so he has better access and can insert his fingers with more violence. I know I will regret having done it, but I always do, I don't understand my body.

He takes out the three fingers from my anus and lubricates his hand, then he puts it straight and inserts four fingers, he knows I'm reaching my limit, he's been trying to fist me for about four days, he hasn't succeeded yet. It starts to hurt, I try to move to somehow endure t...