The psychoanalyst

It is an elegant and, possibly, incorrect way to refer to the psychiatrist I went to see. Because it is true that I have a problem, I don't know if it's mental, sexual, or both.

It all started around the age of fifteen, maybe earlier. I'm not gay, whenever I've fallen in love it's been with a woman. I wouldn't kiss a man even if I were drunk. What happened is related to those first dirty magazines. What caught my attention the most was the explicit display of women's bodies, with their open and offered sex.

But, once I got used to it, I moved on to having a preference for images of girls giving blowjobs. So far so normal.

However, over time, I realized that what I liked in the photos were not the girls but the penises. And I took it a step further when I started to get excited imagining that I was the girl sucking that extraordinary penis.

The years and the internet did not help overcome that perversion.

Not even living in a relationship with a woman has managed to make me forget that old and recurrent desire to see myself humiliated at the feet of a male sucking a thick cock.

So I have wandered from one profile to another, from website to website, from chat to chat, running away and falling repeatedly without the ability to stop that spiral, that vicious circle.

Until I decided that I couldn't continue like this, living a double life. So I found a professional, a psychiatrist expert in these sexual and mental issues. He was an older man with gray hair, an authority on the subject. But I couldn't waste time, I needed to consult the best specialist possible.

When I arrived at the consultation, this mature and corpulent man, somewhat intimidating in appearance, greeted me. And I explained the reason for my visit. At first, very superficially, without going into details. Of course, there was much to be ashamed of, from my point of view.

But it was not possible to leave it there and throughout the hour-long consultation, it must have been the last of the day, as we started at eight, I had to tell him in great detail and without omitting absolutely anything, each of my submissive fantasies, of being a slave serving mature males, not forgetting to mention my strong oral fixation that drives me to desire to swallow everything from a Master like that.

I kept telling him all this, the first time I confessed openly and in person to someone.

And this man didn't change his serious expression, I noticed several times that he moved in his chair, trying to get comfortable. Understandable after so many consultations and hours there.

But I was absorbed in my story, I had crossed the line, I could finally say that I wanted to suck cocks, that I was dying to swallow a good load from a mature man.

So I continued in my world without even realizing that this man was no longer in his seat... He was standing to my right.

He ordered me, as part of the therapy I was going to follow, to kneel before him. Then, without hesitation, he pulled out his penis in front of my face and told me I had to suck it. I was speechless but, without time to question anything, I was already receiving his cock in my throat, a full-on blowjob. He, with moans of real pleasure, announced the treatment, which I had to follow strictly from now on if I wanted any chance of getting better: every day, from eight to nine or however long it took, I would be in his office and he would fuck my mouth, pee on me, make me eat his ass or lick his feet. It seemed like a joke, plus his consultations are not cheap, he charges almost a hundred euros each.

The truth is that I was already paying him in advance almost before he even removed his dick from my mouth. He came and made me swallow it all, as it was essential to do so.

I have been going there for three years, never missing a day, doing everything, absolutely everything, he tells me to do. I even had to take out a bigger mortgage to keep paying for the consultations. But, the truth is, I don't feel any improvement, quite the opposite: every day I need to suck his cock more, it's like a drug. I have no choice, I will continue to go on forever.