THE TRUCK DRIVER OF DREAMS

It was August, and I was taking advantage of the local fair week in the country to escape the noisy crowds of drunk people and go hiking in the mountains. But the best routes are precisely the least accessible, and if you don't have a car, you're stuck with the village buses, their ridiculous schedules, their enormous delays, and their utter lack of formality.

And so, after waiting 2 hours in the sun for the bus that would take me to my lodging, I decided to hitchhike on the road. My backpack was getting heavier by the minute, and the discouragement of seeing cars pass by without stopping didn't help at all. It was approaching lunchtime, and my stomach was starting to protest. A truck was approaching, and I prepared to hitchhike once more, this time with no hope whatsoever. The truck passed by so quickly that I could barely see the driver, and the wind that followed made my cap fly off.

As I tried to catch my cap, a loud horn sounded. The truck had stopped a few meters ahead, and I ran towards it before the driver changed his mind. The truck was transporting a famous brand of pastries, and when I reached the driver's door, which was already open, I could see a stout and strong man, like a closet, with a thick beard, black hair, and dark skin. He wore new sunglasses and a black t-shirt, somewhat stained and worn out, which seemed like it was about to burst trying to contain his arms, chest, and belly.

"Where are you headed?" he asked in a deep, authoritative voice. When I told him my destination, he said it was on his way and told me to get in. I did so.

It was hard to open the passenger door, as it was sticky due to the suction effect, and I almost fell when I finally managed to open it. Inside, it smelled like a locker room, the windows were closed due to the air conditioning, and it seemed like the cabin hadn't been ventilated in weeks. The truck driver told me to put my backpack on the bed in the cabin while he resumed driving. It took me a while to see that there was a bed behind the seats, with all the mess (old pants, yellowish socks, gym clothes that were once white, t-shirts, half-empty food containers, and used condoms with their wrappers). I had to take longer than I thought to decide where to put my backpack, and he snatched it from me with a swift motion and threw it forcefully behind.

I was taken aback and a bit violent due to his attitude, which wasn't improved by the scowl on his face. He didn't speak, and the silence became increasingly heavy. I didn't dare look at him, lest he scold me again or throw me out of his vehicle (I wouldn't be surprised if he did so even while driving). But after about 5-10 minutes, he opened his legs and, lifting his buttocks, let out a loud and long fart. I couldn't help but look at him, and he returned my gaze defiantly. Once again, he didn't speak, but his face said that if I had a problem, I knew where the door was. Th...